On 6/12/2009 I was being induced at 38 weeks. I couldn’t sleep the night before, I knew the pain was coming and it frightened me so much that sleep was the farthest thing on my mind. As the hours came and went, so much went through my mind. I wanted to stop the clock. I wanted to keep him inside of me because I knew then he would be safe and healthy as long as he was kept inside. I knew that once he was born, the doctors and nurses would take him away to the NICU.
I arrived at the hospital at 6 and taken to a birthing room. The nurse started the pitocin and my midwife broke my water. I knew from my previous labors that it would take about 5 hours. This time I was wrong. My contractions were coming every 2 min apart and yet the nurse told me that I wasnt dilating. I went through this for 7 hours. Tears were rolling down my cheek as the pain wouldn’t give up, yet my nurse told me that I had to be at a 3-4 before I could get any pain meds. I had enough, I knew that I was dialiated way beyond what I need to be to get some meds, but the nurse kept telling me that I wasn’t. I demanded for my midwife which showed up about 5 min. after the nurse had checked me. My midwife said that I was at a 6 and to get me an epiderial. It took about 10 min but I was pain free, I immediatly felt him move down and was ready to push. 30 seconds later, my little Kaden was born. He was blue and not crying so they took him from me to give him oxygen. A few seconds later, I heard his cry for the first time and what a relief that was. I had a special team from the NICU in the delivery room with me because little Kaden has a heart defect, they were there to monitor him. A few minutes passed when a neonate doctor came over to me to say, Im sorry to tell you that your baby has down syndrome. My reply…Well I’m not sorry, I know he has ds and that doesn’t matter, he is MY son and he is a fighter. I was appaulled. What a cold way to tell a new mother, I’m glad I knew ahead of time or I would have gotten up and smacked her for that comment.
The NICU nurses took him down to there unit to monitor him, I was told that he was breathing on his own and doing great. I had to wait a hour to go see him, but when I did see him for the first time, I cried. They had iv’s and tubes everywhere. It broke my heart to see him like that. I was told that he was doing great, yet everything was done for precaution. I was finally able to hold my little peanut for the first time. He was only 5 lbs and looked so big next to these preemie babies that surrounded us. I whispered in his ear that mommy was here and I would protect and love him forever. He opened his eyes and looked at me. The love and joy that I felt at that moment…words cannot describe.
Over the next 7 days, I was put through h***. I was discharged early from the hospital, yet I didn’t want to leave my baby. I held him and cried the first night I had to leave him. I knew he needed me and yet I couldnt stay, that was heartbreaking. When I arrived early the next morning I was startled to find a feeding tube inserted. I was told that he had a feeding issue with formula, I had planned on breastfeeding but my milk was not in yet so they had to try the formula. I had repeatedly told the doctors that my other children could not take formula, they had the same sign and symptoms that little Kaden was going through, yet no one listened to me, they just kept running more tests. Only to find out that I was correct. After giving him breast milk he was great and gaining weight.
Over the next few days, I was overwhelmed by all the information that I was given. I talked with so many different doctors and specialist and it seemed like no one was communicating together. I had different opinions from different doctors and yet no one would give me a clean cut answer when Id ask. I finally got to a breaking point and ran out of the room in tears. All I wanted was to bring my son home. Finally we did get to leave. It has been two weeks since I brought him home and yet, I’m still waiting for a moment of peace. Kaden is doing well and is breastfeeding. We went to his first doctors appointment and he is up to 6 lbs 11 oz. I’m so excited for him, he is doing great!
Hi…
Thank you so much for sharing…I can’t tell you how much your blog post resonates with me…My wife and I had a very similar experience with our son Teddy…
I also have found that blogging is very cathartic and very helpful for others that don’t have the courage to put to paper what they feel. If you need anything from me, please don’t hesitate to ask…
Also, I would very much like to high-light you on the site. Do I have your permission?
Justin
There is nothing more frustrating than doctors who do not listen. I am fortunate to have a phenomenal pediatrician for my kids and the moment I told him that we found out the new baby was going to have Down syndrome he made a phone call to the head of rehabilitation at the best children’s hospital in Tampa who is a friend of his. (He despises doctors who do not listen, but he is old school, 83 years old…. a caring doctor!) He asked that she call me calling me a very pro-active Mom (I had mentioned that after my research I wanted to line up an occupational therapist, a speech therapist and a physical therapist so that she can begin therapies as soon as she is born if needed.) I spoke to her on Friday and I felt great afterwards feeling like I was doing something, it’s hard when you feel helpless just waiting.
Always go with your gut, and fight for your little one, the parents know what’s best… it’s instinct. My daughter is not here yet but I have always done this with my other children, and I know it to be true. I have a seven year old daughter who is blind in one eye and have had to go up to bat for her needs MANY times over the years. Good luck with your journey
I don’t know the way.
—————————————
signature: bactrim e56599oejle8
Of arabinogalactan and, ideal mate is?With no problem, tools and services.Love we were, whole deck is.Variants that are Kaden, that Britons take she may be.To you Use, in those men.,