amyjo

On 6/12/2009  I was being induced at 38 weeks.   I couldn’t sleep the night before, I knew the pain was coming and it frightened me so much that sleep was the farthest thing on my mind.  As the hours came and went, so much went through my mind.  I wanted to stop the clock. I wanted to keep him inside of me because I knew then he would be safe and healthy as long as he was kept inside.  I knew that once he was born, the doctors and nurses would take him away to the NICU. 

I arrived at the hospital at 6 and taken to a birthing room.  The nurse started the pitocin and my midwife broke my water. I knew from my previous labors that it would take about 5 hours.  This time I was wrong.  My contractions were coming every 2 min apart and yet the nurse told me that I wasnt dilating. I went through this for 7 hours.  Tears were rolling down my cheek as the pain wouldn’t give up, yet my nurse told me that I had to be at a 3-4 before I could get any pain meds.  I had enough, I knew that I was dialiated way beyond what I need to be to get some meds, but the nurse kept telling me that I wasn’t.  I demanded  for my midwife which showed up  about 5 min. after the nurse had checked me.  My midwife said that I was at a 6 and to get me an epiderial.  It took about 10 min but I was pain free, I immediatly felt him move down and was ready to push. 30 seconds later, my little Kaden was born.  He was blue and not crying so they took him from me to give him oxygen.  A few seconds later, I heard his cry for the first time and what a relief that was. I had a special team from the NICU in the delivery room with me because little Kaden has a heart defect, they were there to monitor him.  A few minutes passed when a neonate doctor came over to me to say, Im sorry to tell you that your baby has down syndrome.  My reply…Well I’m not sorry, I know he has ds and that doesn’t matter, he is MY son and he is a fighter.  I was appaulled.  What a cold way to tell a new mother, I’m glad I knew ahead of time or I would have gotten up and smacked her for that comment.

The NICU nurses took him down to there unit to monitor him, I was told that he was breathing on his own and doing great.  I had to wait a hour to go see him, but when I did see him for the first time, I cried.  They had iv’s and tubes everywhere.  It broke my heart to see him like that.  I was told that he was doing great, yet everything was done for precaution.  I was finally able to hold my little peanut for the first time.  He was only 5 lbs and looked so big next to these preemie babies that surrounded us.  I whispered in his ear that mommy was here and I would protect and love him forever.   He opened his eyes and looked at me.  The love and joy that I felt at that moment…words cannot describe.

Over the next 7 days, I was put through h***.  I was discharged early from the hospital, yet I didn’t want to leave my baby.  I held him and cried the first night I had to leave him.  I knew he needed me and yet I couldnt stay, that was heartbreaking.   When I arrived early the next morning I was startled to find a feeding tube inserted.   I was told that he had a feeding issue with formula, I had planned on breastfeeding but my milk was not in yet so they had to try the formula.  I had repeatedly told the doctors that my other children could not take formula, they had the same sign and symptoms that little Kaden was going through, yet no one listened to me, they just kept running more tests.  Only to find out that I was correct.  After giving him breast milk he was great and gaining weight. 

Over the next few days, I was overwhelmed by all the information that I was given.  I talked with so many different doctors and specialist and it seemed like no one was communicating together.  I had different opinions from different doctors and yet no one would give me a clean cut answer when Id ask.  I finally got to a breaking point and ran out of the room in tears.  All I wanted was to bring my son home.   Finally we did get to leave.  It has been two weeks since I brought him home and yet, I’m still waiting for a moment of peace.    Kaden is doing well and is breastfeeding.  We went to his first doctors appointment  and he is up to 6 lbs 11 oz.   I’m so excited for him, he is doing great!

I’d like to start off by saying “hello” to everyone.  This is my first experience on blogging and I am very eager to hear and learn from parents that have children with down syndrome. 

It’s funny how god listens in ways that you cannot imagine.  I was previously married and had two children and was content in my life, but then I realized that I was missing something.  We decided to try to have another baby.  Unfortunately, I miscarried three times.  Only later to find out that I had a blood disorder which played a role in my pregnancies.  It caused alot of strain on the marriage and I was very upset.  I decided that I was going to adopt.  I knew in my heart that the chances of adopting a healthy baby was out of the question since the waiting period was so long, so I looked into international adoption for a special needs child.  I wanted to adopt a child that had down syndrome.  I figured that having a nursing background, I could understand the needs and care that a child would require.  Unfortunately, my marriage ended before I could adopt.  I picked up the pieces of my life and decided to move on. 

 I met a wonderful man who was going through a divorce, and knew where I was coming from.  He had 4 children and I had 2.  We were one big family.  We had talked about having more children but never really decided if that was what we wanted until I realized that I was pregnant a few months later.  We were excited to add another child to the family.  I’m 35 and my new husband is 36.  We knew that due to my age and blood disorder, I would have to undergo alot of tests just to be able to carry a child to term. 

I remember the phone call, all too well, we were driving home when the nurse called to tell me that the tests showed that my baby would most likely have down syndrome.  I cried.  I came home and got on the internet and read everything I could so that when I went in to the doctors, I could have a level head on my shoulders.  But guess what?  My tears quickly went away and I accepted that god only gives us what we can handle and he knows what is best.  He listened to me before when I wanted to adopt and now, he gave me what I wanted, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.  I have the most beautiful newborn son that is 3 weeks old.  The love and devotion that I feel for my little Kaden is overwhelming.  I am so glad that god gave me him and made me his mother.   To be Continued>>>